I messed up again. I made it further than I ever have before, but I failed. Atleast that’s how I feel about it. No matter the amount of literature I read, or uplifting stories I find with each saying how I shouldn’t beat myself up and I should look toward the future with open eyes and a warm heart – I can’t. I can’t keep my heart from sinking and tears from filling my eyes. Most of all, I can’t even answer the question “Why?”. I can’t answer the simple question – why was it okay for me to say “No” the first time – but then the first chance I got – I had to go and get the wine….then hide it. So I’m goign to split these up into two separate posts. Why I did it and how I felt, then a separate one for how I’m going to learn from it. Maybe a third to summarize them and maybe make some sense of everything.
This much I know – I can’t give up – I can’t quit trying – I can’t run away from this – I have to face it.